mad at diabetes

i think i am going through the anger process of marlee having diabetes. right now i think every bit of it sucks. from taking her sugars all the time. making sure she isn't getting low if she plays for too long. listening to her 4 year old voice saying "i don't want you to check my sugars again mommy." constantly pushing her to eat all of her meal so she doesn't feel sick from not eating the amount of food we gave her insulin for. the shots-they feel neverending-almost 300 needles now. the carb book. figuring out how many carbs and how much insulin to give marlee for a meal. sometimes forgetting how much insulin i just gave her and hoping it was correct. writting all the numbers in her journal which i have often forgot until the end of the day then trying to remember from notes i have all over and numbers on the glucometer. taking time from the other kids because i am trying to make sure i have each of her meals figured out. not being able to let her go to bible school or a movie without us being there to make sure nothing goes wrong. i am just feeling that so much of her freedom is gone. she will always be dependent on insulin-shots or soon the pump. i know there is so much good that will come from this too but right now i am having a hard time looking beyond it. feeling like i am doing pretty good and then having this anger pop is catching me off guard. i thought i was handling it pretty well. and my word trust pops in my head as i am writting this. that is what it is all about for me. ok, thanks God:) this is not my battle to handle, it is His. thanks God. these photos were taken in april-about a month before her diagnosis. i want her to always feel as free as she was here. she is so wonderful, so beautiful, so loving, so happy, and such an innocent child. i love you marlee girl...