intro to pump...

today was our intro to pump day for marlee. we have much information from kev's mom about the insulin pump and know that it is a much easier way to handle insulin so we have been moving as quickly as possible with the goal of getting marlee on the pump. levi has been pointing to this day on the calendar saying "pump". marlee came with us to the appointment. we talked through much of the information with our nurse and then she attached the pump to marlee. she showed us how to place the port in her and then how to attach it. for now it is empty. this is just a trial to see how her skin does with the adhesive and also how she does having it on her all day and nite. when she first got the needle put in she did great. a few seconds later she looked like she was going to start to cry and said she didn't want it on anymore. we then talked to her about how this is a practice one and her real one will be pink and sparkly or however she wants it to look. when we got home getting her down for a nap with it was a little hard at first. she came out crying saying how she didn't like it (i thought it was the whole thing) but she only wanted it to be pink... you gotta love her fashion sense:) she has never liked sticky things on her-especially in the ER. so, i hope she will start to have some understanding that having this will help us stop doing shots every time she eats something. so, after swimming and time for shower marlee wanted the port off again and naomi totally took her mind off it by talking about princesses and fairies and they played in the shower. in that time together naomi also talked to marle about how the pump works and how it will give her the insulin a little at a time (as naomi learned how it works from grandma). naomi just floored me tonite as to how much she loves and cares about marlee. it is one of those moments when i looked at naomi and was so thankful for the wonderful little girl she is. she knows how to comfort marlee and is a natural caretaker. so, we will do the pump but now until october or november as they want you to wait about 6 months after diagnosis. marlee also starts preschool and we don't want to many new things at once. so we will keep doing what we are doing and take each moment as it comes...

trusting

oh Lord i put my trust in You... raising children is not an easy job. i take my parenting very personally which is not always a good thing. we raise them with good morals and teach them what we believe. letting them make choices and suffer the consequences is part of life. the part i struggle with is why did you make that not so smart choice in the first place. i raised you better than that. but, they will grow and continue to make bad choices. i am learning again a lesson of trust. i don't understand why children make bad decisions as i don't understand adam and eve's sin in the beginning of creation. God knows the big picture. i am a small part of it. all this while i need to remind myself that i make not so smart choices yet too and i am an adult-role model-mom. i praise you oh God for i am fearfully and wonderfully made. and this is the face i may want to make when bad choices are made. but you can't beat the way levi does this one...

mad at diabetes

i think i am going through the anger process of marlee having diabetes. right now i think every bit of it sucks. from taking her sugars all the time. making sure she isn't getting low if she plays for too long. listening to her 4 year old voice saying "i don't want you to check my sugars again mommy." constantly pushing her to eat all of her meal so she doesn't feel sick from not eating the amount of food we gave her insulin for. the shots-they feel neverending-almost 300 needles now. the carb book. figuring out how many carbs and how much insulin to give marlee for a meal. sometimes forgetting how much insulin i just gave her and hoping it was correct. writting all the numbers in her journal which i have often forgot until the end of the day then trying to remember from notes i have all over and numbers on the glucometer. taking time from the other kids because i am trying to make sure i have each of her meals figured out. not being able to let her go to bible school or a movie without us being there to make sure nothing goes wrong. i am just feeling that so much of her freedom is gone. she will always be dependent on insulin-shots or soon the pump. i know there is so much good that will come from this too but right now i am having a hard time looking beyond it. feeling like i am doing pretty good and then having this anger pop is catching me off guard. i thought i was handling it pretty well. and my word trust pops in my head as i am writting this. that is what it is all about for me. ok, thanks God:) this is not my battle to handle, it is His. thanks God. these photos were taken in april-about a month before her diagnosis. i want her to always feel as free as she was here. she is so wonderful, so beautiful, so loving, so happy, and such an innocent child. i love you marlee girl...

she...is simply a treasure

yeah!!! i am back to pictures once again! these are totally blown out and blurry but they are so marlee! she is my trooper, my sweetie, my little treasure. oh what a joy she brings in our lives!!!

brave girl

it has been 4 weeks since marlee's diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. we have almost gone through a box of 100 needles, a couple hundred test strips, and many emotions. marlee is now pinching her own finger and squeezing out her blood to test her sugars. she chooses where she wants her insulin shot and doesn't flinch. she is learning how many carbs are in many foods. there are times when she doesn't want her insulin and i don't blame her. it is the new routine of counting everything and testing her sugars before she eats and making her wait to eat until she has her insulin. i am learning to not fight her on taking a bite of food. trusting myself with her care is getting easier.