the fear...

her fear will go away at some point from all this. changing the site for her pump is the worst. i can take off the old and prep everything for the new but attaching it to her body is her fear right now. and it breaks my heart. especially when she tells me she doesn't want this thing hooked up to her body. i get it in with a lot of crying on her part then yelling at me that she wants to go back to shots. i hate that i have to do it at all. the tears thankfully don't last for long. by the time we had to suspend it for her to get in the shower she tells me the site looks like a boat. i am so thankful that she can find humor in it! marlee's blood sugars have been great for the first week of being on the pump. it has freed us of constant shots. i still think of how young she is and how much she has gone through in 8 months. soon my little sweetie will be 5. i feel she was robbed of some of her 4th year and has been forced to grow up quickly. and often i know that God made her with such sunshine in her personality that he is going to do big things for her because of diabetes.

christmas baking

today was a wonderful day. marlee, naomi, levi and i went to my mom and dad's for some baking. my sister in law and her kiddos were there too! it was great to bake with the cousins. it did bring on its challenges with a 4 year old with diabetes who likes to lick the batter and try a piece of everything we were making. i can't even remember how many shots i gave her for whatever she put in her mouth. thank heavens she doesn't complain about the shots. i tell her "you will need insulin if you want to try this" and she looks at me and says "just give me more insulin, i want another cookie." the pump will be easier when we get started the end of the month. i then will just have to push a button!

forgetting

the other day i was getting marlee (and everyone else) ready to eat-i put the needle on the syringe figured out how many carbs dinner was then took the needle off and dispensed it before i even gave marlee her insulin. i was in a blur. this seems to be happening a lot to me lately. my mind is in a blur of busyness. mostly good but at times feeling like i have lost my mind.