poopy diabetes...

written in may 2013...................this is what marlee grumbles lately when we need to check her blood sugars often or when we have to change her pump site. the site changes are not easy emotionally for her. these are usually the times when she says she hates diabetes. she will cry about how she is different than everyone else and get mad about having to do all the stuff we have to do everyday to keep her healthy. most of the time it is ok and it is just part of the routine. it is the times when she doesn't want to wash her hands or she wants to eat candy and she can't because she is too high. i just have to say that diabetes sucks for my dear daughter. for some good news we have had the pump for a few months and it has gone great. marlee's A1C went down to 7.9 which is great for kids! her blood sugars have been averaging 186 which is also great for her. our great dr. said marlee's numbers are like an adults when you look at her chart. we are so blessed and thankful that we have not had too many rough times with her diabetes so far. and the times she has been sick we have been able to handle it without going to the ER. marlee says how much she does not want to ever go back to the ER, she would rather go the hospital. i have tried to explain that they are in the same building but she just doesn't get it. it has almost been a year since her diagnosis. i can't believe it...there has been so much i have learned this year. i never thought i could do shots, check blood sugars, count carbs, remember how many carbs are in food, learn about and handle the insulin pump, and support marlee in all that she feels about this business...

the fear...

her fear will go away at some point from all this. changing the site for her pump is the worst. i can take off the old and prep everything for the new but attaching it to her body is her fear right now. and it breaks my heart. especially when she tells me she doesn't want this thing hooked up to her body. i get it in with a lot of crying on her part then yelling at me that she wants to go back to shots. i hate that i have to do it at all. the tears thankfully don't last for long. by the time we had to suspend it for her to get in the shower she tells me the site looks like a boat. i am so thankful that she can find humor in it! marlee's blood sugars have been great for the first week of being on the pump. it has freed us of constant shots. i still think of how young she is and how much she has gone through in 8 months. soon my little sweetie will be 5. i feel she was robbed of some of her 4th year and has been forced to grow up quickly. and often i know that God made her with such sunshine in her personality that he is going to do big things for her because of diabetes.

day 2 on the pump

so, the night was a little rough with a low of 65 and 86. had to give marlee a juice box 2x during the night but she didn't remember a thing. i checked her blood sugars five times between 10pm and 6:45am. long night for mommy but great #s this morning. the whole day was really good with the pump. a few lows but our educator helped me adjust the pump numbers to marlee's needs. i just have to say what a blessing this is already. there is so much freedom and the shots will be rare. i have to tell you the best part of today was punching in marlee's carbs on her insulin pump then placing it back in her pouch and having her ask me "mommy, don't you need to give me a shot?" and my response being "NO, i just have to push a few buttons" and having her face light up with a hugemongous smile and saying "oh, cool" how awesome is that! and i say pretty awesome... i love this little girl. God sure made her with much joy in her heart!

heaven

i did church at home with the kids yesterday. in our discussion we talked about how our bodies are not perfect but when we get to heaven they will be new and perfect. no more diabetes, no more cracked hands or feet, no more 2 colds(which is what marlee calls her cold today), no more headaches. we talked about how we are living in our eternity here on earth and how we need to live each day with God being in the first place in our hearts, actions, and thoughts. well, a little while later marlee comes up to me and tells me she wants to die. it took me a minute to process, then she said because she wants to go to heaven so she doesn't have diabetes anymore. i wasn't quite sure what to say and i know i need to have further discussions with her. diabetes stinks but she has this for a reason. some reason that her smiling, beautiful personality will be made stronger and she will be able to somehow use this experience to help someone else out. i love her and i know God is running the show. i still wonder "why marlee?" but i hope to help guide her to where she and i can be a blessing to others through diabetes.

christmas baking

today was a wonderful day. marlee, naomi, levi and i went to my mom and dad's for some baking. my sister in law and her kiddos were there too! it was great to bake with the cousins. it did bring on its challenges with a 4 year old with diabetes who likes to lick the batter and try a piece of everything we were making. i can't even remember how many shots i gave her for whatever she put in her mouth. thank heavens she doesn't complain about the shots. i tell her "you will need insulin if you want to try this" and she looks at me and says "just give me more insulin, i want another cookie." the pump will be easier when we get started the end of the month. i then will just have to push a button!

forgetting

the other day i was getting marlee (and everyone else) ready to eat-i put the needle on the syringe figured out how many carbs dinner was then took the needle off and dispensed it before i even gave marlee her insulin. i was in a blur. this seems to be happening a lot to me lately. my mind is in a blur of busyness. mostly good but at times feeling like i have lost my mind.

intro to pump...

today was our intro to pump day for marlee. we have much information from kev's mom about the insulin pump and know that it is a much easier way to handle insulin so we have been moving as quickly as possible with the goal of getting marlee on the pump. levi has been pointing to this day on the calendar saying "pump". marlee came with us to the appointment. we talked through much of the information with our nurse and then she attached the pump to marlee. she showed us how to place the port in her and then how to attach it. for now it is empty. this is just a trial to see how her skin does with the adhesive and also how she does having it on her all day and nite. when she first got the needle put in she did great. a few seconds later she looked like she was going to start to cry and said she didn't want it on anymore. we then talked to her about how this is a practice one and her real one will be pink and sparkly or however she wants it to look. when we got home getting her down for a nap with it was a little hard at first. she came out crying saying how she didn't like it (i thought it was the whole thing) but she only wanted it to be pink... you gotta love her fashion sense:) she has never liked sticky things on her-especially in the ER. so, i hope she will start to have some understanding that having this will help us stop doing shots every time she eats something. so, after swimming and time for shower marlee wanted the port off again and naomi totally took her mind off it by talking about princesses and fairies and they played in the shower. in that time together naomi also talked to marle about how the pump works and how it will give her the insulin a little at a time (as naomi learned how it works from grandma). naomi just floored me tonite as to how much she loves and cares about marlee. it is one of those moments when i looked at naomi and was so thankful for the wonderful little girl she is. she knows how to comfort marlee and is a natural caretaker. so, we will do the pump but now until october or november as they want you to wait about 6 months after diagnosis. marlee also starts preschool and we don't want to many new things at once. so we will keep doing what we are doing and take each moment as it comes...