poopy diabetes...

written in may 2013...................this is what marlee grumbles lately when we need to check her blood sugars often or when we have to change her pump site. the site changes are not easy emotionally for her. these are usually the times when she says she hates diabetes. she will cry about how she is different than everyone else and get mad about having to do all the stuff we have to do everyday to keep her healthy. most of the time it is ok and it is just part of the routine. it is the times when she doesn't want to wash her hands or she wants to eat candy and she can't because she is too high. i just have to say that diabetes sucks for my dear daughter. for some good news we have had the pump for a few months and it has gone great. marlee's A1C went down to 7.9 which is great for kids! her blood sugars have been averaging 186 which is also great for her. our great dr. said marlee's numbers are like an adults when you look at her chart. we are so blessed and thankful that we have not had too many rough times with her diabetes so far. and the times she has been sick we have been able to handle it without going to the ER. marlee says how much she does not want to ever go back to the ER, she would rather go the hospital. i have tried to explain that they are in the same building but she just doesn't get it. it has almost been a year since her diagnosis. i can't believe it...there has been so much i have learned this year. i never thought i could do shots, check blood sugars, count carbs, remember how many carbs are in food, learn about and handle the insulin pump, and support marlee in all that she feels about this business...

the fear...

her fear will go away at some point from all this. changing the site for her pump is the worst. i can take off the old and prep everything for the new but attaching it to her body is her fear right now. and it breaks my heart. especially when she tells me she doesn't want this thing hooked up to her body. i get it in with a lot of crying on her part then yelling at me that she wants to go back to shots. i hate that i have to do it at all. the tears thankfully don't last for long. by the time we had to suspend it for her to get in the shower she tells me the site looks like a boat. i am so thankful that she can find humor in it! marlee's blood sugars have been great for the first week of being on the pump. it has freed us of constant shots. i still think of how young she is and how much she has gone through in 8 months. soon my little sweetie will be 5. i feel she was robbed of some of her 4th year and has been forced to grow up quickly. and often i know that God made her with such sunshine in her personality that he is going to do big things for her because of diabetes.

day 2 on the pump

so, the night was a little rough with a low of 65 and 86. had to give marlee a juice box 2x during the night but she didn't remember a thing. i checked her blood sugars five times between 10pm and 6:45am. long night for mommy but great #s this morning. the whole day was really good with the pump. a few lows but our educator helped me adjust the pump numbers to marlee's needs. i just have to say what a blessing this is already. there is so much freedom and the shots will be rare. i have to tell you the best part of today was punching in marlee's carbs on her insulin pump then placing it back in her pouch and having her ask me "mommy, don't you need to give me a shot?" and my response being "NO, i just have to push a few buttons" and having her face light up with a hugemongous smile and saying "oh, cool" how awesome is that! and i say pretty awesome... i love this little girl. God sure made her with much joy in her heart!

happy 3rd birfcake marlee girl

today marlee is 3. honestly i don't know how three years happen so fast. she is my little sidekick. the one that can be a stinker then say "i'm sorry mahmmy" and gives me a big hug. she is fun to have conversations with-you never know what is coming out of her mouth. minnie mouse and daisy duck are her little friends. she is almost all potty trained. she loves to craft with me now and really loves to cook and mix things up(and lick the bowl). one joyful little girl.
marlee the day before she was 3. helping bake her cake

our yearly photo the night before your birthday-2011

the night before your 2nd birthday-2010

you are always smiling-your 2nd birthday-2010

1 year old-2009


first days-2008

REJOICE 2011

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippian 4:4

the past few years i have had a word for the year. my word for 2011 is rejoice. a lot has been on my mind the past few months. things i can't control. things i have had a hard time letting go of. things that take up way too much of my mind and heart which then take attention off what i need to be focusing on-my family and my relationship with God. i prayed a lot for peace and the thing that kept coming up to me was to rejoice always. there is a song that a friends little girl was singing "rejoice in the lord always, again i say rejoice". the next day that song wouldn't get out of my mind. that was the time i realized that this needed to be my word. i need to remember the always part-especially in the times i may not feel like rejoicing. i have been given so much in my life. i look forward to times and experiences this year that will bring me closer to God and the people in my life as i choose to rejoice.

TRUTH

I am feeling defeated today. Defeated by the dishes, laundry, toys all over, piles needing to be gone through, and lack of feeling like I can accomplish finishing any of it. More so, it is the fact that I may finish something but it just starts back up again. I know this is life and some days are just harder to do the daily stuff than others. I want to sit back and read a book and do nothing else-for the whole day. Today this is the way I feel.

The good thing is that I know what is the TRUTH. It is not my feelings that define me but the truth of knowing God loves me no matter how I feel about things. He reminds me that I love my life. I am incredibly blessed with a hard working, loving, supportive husband, 5 wonderful children, a home that I love(most of the time), the laundry which makes me grateful we have good clothes, the dishes that are created because of full plates of food, and piles that mean we live here.

How can I not be reminded of this truth when I have this precious face to look into while she points to my seat and says "mama" because she wants me to have lunch with her. They make all the 'stuff' worth it.

Phillipians 4:8 Christian brothers, keep your minds thinking about whatever is true, whatever is respected, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever can be loved, and whatever is well thought of. If there is anything good and worth giving thanks for think about these things.

UNEXPECTED

I had no idea how a c-section could be a positive birth experience. I have thought for way to long about the pain involved because that is what I have previously been through. This time I was given a gift. A gift of great nurses and doctors. A gift of an anesthesiologist who let Kevin be in the room from the prep of my spinal all the way to the birth without having to leave. A gift of this same doctor dropping the drape and lifting my head up to watch our new baby being brought into this world. A gift of this same doctor moving things around so I could see the nurses clean up Levi to take my mind off being put back together. I got to see him come out. I felt like a mother in that sterile room, not just a patient being cut open. I thank God for answering prayers given by my friends and family over the past few days and weeks for this to be a positive birth experience for me. I still have pain but it is bearable because I can hold my beautiful son and praise God for the many gifts He has given me so far through this amazing life experience.

Dishes

I sat here pondering for a little bit if I should do the dishes or not. I don't really like to do the dishes and have tried to find joy in it, but I just can't. But, they need to be done or there are no more spoons for the morning if they are still dirty on the counter. As I am running the water and putting the first batch in my sweet little Max peeps his head out his door while rubbing his eyes and says "Mommy, will you leave some dishes for me to dry?" I hear this from his little mouth after I was upset with him for not having his room cleaned up as he said it would be before he went to bed. I guess it just reminds me that we are teaching our kids to pitch in and help around the house. I just think they enjoy it more when it is the new jobs laid out in front of them. This is just the reminder for me to give the kids a little grace when things are not as I would like to have them. God is so willing to give me plenty of grace for the places in my heart where I need it and just have to remember to pass that on to the little ones He has given to me. I don't know why dishes teach me this but God has a funny way of putting in front of me what I need to be working on. While I may not like the act of washing the dishes it gives me great pleasure to have a clean counter and an empty kitchen sink to wake up to in the morning. All these little things add up to make doing the dishes worth it. Gotta love these reminders :)

Of course this wouldn't be complete without a picture of my wild man Max!

Rain

I love hearing the rain fall. I am sitting here on the couch with the windows open and the sound is just so peaceful. It reminds me of being a child. I remember running around outside in the rain opening my mouth to catch the drops on my tongue. I remember jumping in puddles with the freedom of no worries about how wet I am getting or that I may get sick from being wet. At times I am overly protective of the kids and I need to remember to let go and let them be who they are. Let them discover the world around them instead of creating what I want them to see. Yes, they need protection but they also need freedom to become the beautiful little people they are. I write this just to remind myself to let them experience in their own way the simple things in life and appreciate them for their uniqueness. So, next time it rains I will let the kids run and jump in puddles with no worries on my mind. I will just enjoy watching them without freaking out that they are going to get sick. I want them to create a memory of their own like mine. I love how a sound of nature can remind me of something so sweet in life.

Things that make me happy today

-Getting a call first thing in the morning from a massage patient telling me the massage I gave them the day before made them feel like a new person. The call was my Hallmark card!

-Making my own laundry soap at $1 per 5 gallons thanks to the Duggar family recipe. Can't wait to try that out tomorrow after it sets.

-Clean sheets on my bed.

-A beautiful walk in the morning from bringing my truck to a great mechanic in town so I can open my door again from the inside.

-A friend who offers to drive me to get my truck so I don't have to walk far again.

-Spending time with Marlee in the front yard and getting fun pictures with Bokeh and good catchlights in my photos!!!

-Hearing Max and Naomi's presentations this morning on their research project. Max did soccer which his picture had a boy kicking a ball at the other boys head:) Naomi did Seahorses and drew a mommy and daddy seahorse with almost one hundred babies!

-Knowing what is for dinner-Tacos.

-Looking forward to Max and Naomi's Music program this afternoon.

-Plans to go to the park tonight for Noah's raingutter regatta race for cubscouts.